So, there I was, sitting at lunch with a girlfriend. She’s gaslighting herself—yes, you heard me—saying, “Oh, I don’t really want a relationship right now, so I’m fine with a friends-with-benefits situation.” Cue the dramatic eye roll! And to make matters worse, she confessed the sex was terrible. I mean, can you picture the look on my face?! If only I had a Time Machine! I’d give anything to beam out of that awkward moment. Hahaha.
As she kept talking, convincing herself she didn’t really want love, I sat there, biting my tongue. Hard. So hard, I swear I could taste blood! But when she finally paused, I couldn’t help myself. I asked, “Do you want to know what I really think?”
She looked at me, half-expecting my sass, and said, “Yes, I thought you’d never ask!” That’s when I dropped the truth bomb.
“There’s a reason the word ship is in relationship… and what I like to call a lovership,” I started. I hate—no, loathe—the term ‘friends with benefits.’ I mean, come on, friends don’t treat each other the way people do in these messy, half-baked situationships. It’s wild! No, thank you. I’ll pass.”
Then, before I could stop myself, I blurted out, “Loverships? They always turn into lessons.”
The ship in lovership? Oh, honey, it always sails away. Trust me, I get it, ladies! It’s hard out here for a pimp—hahaha, anyone else remember that song? I’m literally cackling at myself for even mentioning it, but honestly… isn’t it the truth? We’re out here, scrolling through endless profiles, options everywhere, and yet… everyone’s still lonely. Is this what we signed up for?
I can’t even begin to count how many women I coach who say yes to everything, grabbing onto any lifeboat that passes by in a desperate act of scarcity. They say yes to loverships, lukewarm dates, and—well, let’s just say—other things I’ll leave to your imagination! LOL. But believe me, I’ve been there. I get it.
But here’s the thing: if you keep your standards where they belong, stay true to what you really want, and learn to go slow to go fast, you’ll start having quality dates instead of just ticking numbers off a list. You’ll have more fun with men—real fun—and maybe, just maybe, you’ll find yourself building something meaningful with a teammate instead of drifting in and out of loverships that leave you with nothing but another painful lesson.
Now, I can already hear the excuses from the peanut gallery: “Melissa, I don’t want a relationship! I just want to playright now!” And you know what? That’s fine! I love it. No judgment here, babes. But listen up—you still need to have sexual standards in loverships. The men getting the sex aren’t going anywhere, so slow down, take your time, gather the data, and then make a choice that’s worth your time.
To wrap it all up, my darlings, feel free to dive right into the ocean of loverships! If you’re in the mood for a little flirt and fun, I’ve got the perfect module for those just wanting to dance with masculine energy in a casual way. Let’s call him your bliss buddy—haha! You can absolutely get what you want out of a lovership, something delicious and light, versus my goddesses searching for that long-term journey with a Heart’s Accomplice—wink.
Before I sign off, here’s a little juicy story about me. So, I had this crush on a man… but oddly enough, I’d known him for a few years and didn’t feel anything beyond friendship. Then one day, I sent him a quick text about a friend he might be able to help. Within seconds—bam!—he calls me. His voice, deep and direct, asking what I needed, saying, “No problem, I’d love to help.” Ohhh, swoon. Was it his voice that got me? Maybe. Or was it how he jumped at the chance to assist me, no hesitation? Either way, that phone call sparked something in me.
I already knew I had respect for him as a father—such a good one. I admired his brilliant mind, how he thinks about business and money. I loved his character, his integrity. The list was growing. And suddenly, I realized—this was the missing piece. Fast forward a few months, and I find myself at a restaurant bar, sitting with him, another friend, and his lovership. Wait—whaaat?! I didn’t see him as the lovership type, but okay, we’re all learning here. At first, I’ll admit, I felt jealous. Like, duh! I had a crush on him. But then I started talking to this woman, and wow… her energy? Yikes. I wanted to run from her. She was draining the life out of the room.
My friend who was with me even whispered, “I can’t be around her,” so we bolted. I went home, threw myself a grand pity party on the sofa. Look at her, I thought. She gets the fancy dinners, the luxurious gifts, and most importantly—him. Whah, whah, whah. I was full-on dramatic, storming around my house in a mood, when suddenly—like a lightning bolt hitting my soul—I had an epiphany. She doesn’t have him. Sure, they’re having sex, but one says, “Oh, we’re just friends,” while the other says, “Friends with benefits.” And I realized, when you’re in a lovership, you don’t get the whole man. You get… scraps. And honey, I don’t do scraps.
I don’t know about you, but if I’m living one life on this gorgeous rock hurling through space, I want the full experience. I want a mind-blowing, soul-shaking, heart-expanding connection with a man. I don’t want just gifts, or dinners, or casual sex—I want it all. The deep emotional bond. The teammate energy. The whole ride, baby. That’s where the magic happens. That’s where he stays. Because he’s invested, and that, my love, is where I feel most fulfilled.
Loverships? Sure, they’re fun. They’re sexually bonded, but they’re missing that something more. That deeper tie where he feels valued, respected, and won’t walk away.
So while I wish my friend all the best—I respect him so much and want nothing but happiness for him—I’m grateful I learned what truly works for me. I’ve found my North Star, and I know exactly where I’m headed. Or… maybe I’ve already arrived—hehehe. This is the one piece of my life I’ll keep private. But everything else? I’m here to give it all to you, my lovers, because my greatest joy, next to love, is helping women all over the world thrive and find their bliss in love!